Anxiety

  I always cringe when I see a healthy looking person parking in the handicap area of a store.  They look like they are perfectly capable of making the long walk from that spot where I parked in the back forty.  That spot should be for an elderly person or one in a wheelchair.  Then I remember that not all issues or illnesses are visible at first glance.   That guy could be missing a leg lost fighting for our country.  He could have a heart issue or be recovering from major surgery.  He could just be a jerk using his Grandfathers car but is it really my place to judge?  I don't know what they are going through and they in turn don't know the hidden problems I deal with.
  We all have anxiety in certain situations.  If you are facing something that is unknown or unpleasant it is perfectly normal to feel anxious.  I don't know anyone who is not a little scared when the dentist comes toward you with a needle in his hand.  The thought of telling your partner that you wrecked the car, yea that would do it as well.  A presentation in front of hundreds of people would turn most peoples legs to Jello.  Funny thing is, I love performing in front of an audience.  That doesn't make me anxious at all.
  I'm having a conversation with a client and can feel it coming on.  The sweat starts beading up on my neck and I get the weird feeling that I'm watching the entire scenario from across the room.  Do they notice me fidgeting?  Are they aware that I'm trying to get the hell out of there before I do something embarrassing?   If they are, they never let me know and somehow I get through it.  Standing in line at the bank, or pumping gasoline into my van, does that make normal people anxious?  Define normal
   I have dealt with this for years and refuse to take medication as long as I can function without it.  Only a few people even know I have this issue.  I have hidden it so well that even close friends are totally surprised when I let them know about my "problem".  My solution is to face those things that make me anxious head on in the hope that nothing bad will happen.
  In my opinion anxiety is not the real problem.   The fear of having an anxiety attack is much worse.  I was driving home to New York after a visit to my Mother in Florida five years ago.  I have always loved driving and have traveled thousands of miles with just a dog or two for company.  I woke up early and the hotel had just put out the continental breakfast.  I grabbed a few doughnuts and filled my travel mug with black coffee and hit the road.  About three hours later, I could not control the wheel of my car because my hands were shaking so badly.  I was stuck in rush hour traffic in Richmond Virginia and was frightened out of my mind.   I pulled off the interstate and found a drugstore.  I told the pharmacist on staff what had happened and she diagnosed low blood sugar.  It was caused by the combination of too much caffeine  and too much sugar.  My blood pressure was sky high when I arrived but a bottle of orange juice and a half hour later, I was back to normal.  I got back on the highway totally drained from the incident.  I did stop for a good lunch and a caffeine free drink but I was beyond exhausted by the time I reached the twelve lanes in each direction chaos outside New York City.  I could feel it coming on, the rumbling in my stomach, the sweat dripping down my forehead.  I was having an anxiety attack of mammoth proportions and could not get off the interstate.  Obviously I made it home alive or I would not be writing this but boy did it make an impact.  I would not go near an interstate for a long time after that just because of fear of another attack.
   Face it head on.  Stick to roads I'd driven before, avoid big cities, it wasn't so hard.  My closest friend needed a ride to the airport, there was nobody else who could take her.  I think I can, I think I can.  The ride there was uneventful, I rarely have issues when there is someone else in the car.  Halfway across the long bridge out of Queens, it happened again .  I rolled down the window even though it was freezing cold, turned the radio volume up and started singing like some kind of lunatic.  It worked and I felt a sense of relief as I got on the familiar parkway home.
  Face it head on, what better way to get over driving anxiety than by planning that cross country trip I'd always dreamed about.  OK, it's still in the planning stage but I have made several long solo trips.  I still get anxious at times, I still avoid large cities whenever possible but I know I can do it when the time comes.